In an over-zealous attempt at today (remember I'm a gun-jumper?) I went to the grocery store, went to Costco, took down my Fall decorations and put up Christmas. (Not the tree!) And it's only 5:00 pm. Hurt me. Am I crazy? No, just mostly O-to-the-C-to the D. And quite possibly insane. I will admit the grocery store and Costco were pretty crazy but I got in and out pretty painlessly. I've been a bitch on wheels all day and crying every two seconds over pretty much anything.
I emailed my sister to tell her the above. She, as the good sister she is, confirmed all the reasons that I was perfectly justifiable to be a bitch and be crying. In fact, she made a big list for me to read. It was just what the doctor ordered! I mean, REALLY, only a sissy can get another sister so well. (So thank you for that!)
I was reading another blog I follow called Surrender Dorothy and in this particular post Rita was talking about her anger. I sometimes think about my anger. Like what the hell do I have to be angry about? My BF Bobbi and I talk about this all the time. She asks herself this question too. So is it a SAHM thing? Is it an age thing? Really, I feel like I have such a glorious life. That in these economic times we are relatively unscathed. I could make a list a million miles long about what I have to be thankful about. Good Lord, I gotta get outta my own head right now! (My A#1 self-talk is "If it's not about you Tricia, life is better!)
So I went through this day being angry. Angry that my sister lives in NJ. Angry that my mom has cancer. Angry that my Dad died. Angry that my whole family isn't together for turkey. Angry that my Mom, sister and Aunt weren't here to help me decorate and drink and listen to Christmas music and laugh. Angry that I had to lug all the totes out of the crawl space. Lauren was so giddy and I was just angry and shitty. Thank goodness kids are resilient and love us anyway. I wonder sometimes if they will remember my anger. But then again I don't so much remember my Mom's anger. Just random times.
I try to do too much. But I sometimes think I have the energy of several people. Then again, there is the anger thing. And who wants to be a martyr? Not I. So anyway..........blah blah blah............get off your pity party and move on!!!!!! My drink is poured and I will be much more relaxed and happy as Lauren and I decorate the tree while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade tomorrow morning. (Our official tradition together!) Evan woke up from his nap and was delighted with all the decorations! He sorta gets its it this year. These moments are fleeting. Life goes by so fast. I need to chill out. (And brine a turkey!!!!!!!!!)
I am bringing pumpkin and apple pies to Aunt Margo's tomorrow. Compliments of Costco. I don't bake. So there you have it chill pill!!!!!!!!!